Have you ever?

Have you ever felt so alone you want to cry? I have. I am. Yes, as I write this, feel alone. And I don't at the same time. I feel like no one can (or will ever bother to try) and know me. And that feeling sucks. It's the same sort of feeling you get when you think of how simple life used to be when we were kids. That care-free attitude. When tears were scarce. When friends were everywhere. When you had nothing to hide... well... most of the time. When there was no talk of college and university and what you'll do and no pressure to do something. When parents didn't yell at each other... or you. When depression and hate weren't in your vocabulary. When things were simple. I think that's what I miss the most. Is the simplicity of life and the happiness that came with it. When the dark wasn't so scary with a night light. Now for me it's terrifying some nights. When I feel the evil "hosts", as my friends and I call them, are lurking. When I can feel "Santos", the evil spirit who has killed me multiple times, waiting for my fear to come up. When the pure evil beings arrive to feed on my fear, I hide, like a child under blankets, calming myself. They can't hurt you if you don't show fear. That's the one good thing about being older, it's easier to be safe.
I think part of the loneliness is not having my soul mate. I know I have plenty of time but it's weird. I have memories from past lives of him. He's also been killed by Santos multiple times. But I can remember him and the love. the hard part is waiting to meet him. Wondering if he'll be able to remember me. Have you felt like that? Like you've known someone forever and you only just met him/her?
Well, enough of my rambling. I'll post soon witches.

~~Blessed be~~

ps. if you have a blog or a website or anything you'd like me to look at, leave a comment or email me. I'd love to take a look at it. Merry meet.